Uluntu olukumakhasi onxibelelwano (social media), kweziveki ziphelileyo belixhwitha xhwithana ngenxa yomba wokubheja. This is because of the comment by celebrity Boity Thulo, who made mention of a R450 000 per month girlfriend allowance. Boity's comments exacerbated what was already a deep debate on what should women expect from men in a relationship which was in the form of "Indoda must.." hashtag
From a young age, I have always known that indoda iyabheja. Nice words such as spoiling your woman or taking care of her, Ilizwi le ndoda engenamali alivakali ( the voice of a man without money is hard to hear) and many other expressions were and are still used, the end goal is simple, you have to spend money on your partner.
As the world evolves ukubheja, also transformed with the requirements and expectations reaching new heights. With social media already exerting all types of pressures in peoples lives, the standard of ukubheja was also influenced. It is not satisfactory to receive a gift from your partner and thank him, now you also post it not on social media.
This has placed enormous pressure on both genders, even fueling speculations of gifts that are hired for photoshoot purposes then returned after. Also, high criticism has been levelled at those who demand gifts/ money and those who do not give gifts/money.
This has led to ukubheja being seen as standardised than being seen as a subject of relativity. Numerous factors are no longer taken into account when dealing with the issue, these include, but not limited to personal choice, affordability, and class.
Ukubheka is all relative in the sense that, for an unemployed person, it is a luxury to bheja your partner as one would be struggling with basic everyday life necessities. For a low paid worker, an airtime/data voucher is the luxury gift a man can give to his partner. While an average paid man can add doing nails and hair on that airtime voucher, another man is able to even go as far as adding a decent cellphone and weave. The scale goes high with some buying entry-level cars while others buy luxury vehicles, expensive property and overseas trips. All of this is done in the name of love and spoiling your partner.
The recent uproar caused by the #Indodamust and Boity's comment shows how as a society we have standardised and commodified what used to be a gesture of love by a partner. Why is it that we find ourselves in conversations that dictate to people to either lower or increase their way of showing love?
Every relationship is unique and ukubheja should be relative to that particular relationship. These bandwagons that people jump on about ukubheja are driving in opposite directions and neither is the correct way. If you do not want or cannot afford to spoil your partner do not make crimes for those who want and could afford it. Also, those who can afford or want to, must not put pressure on those who cannot afford or do not want to. We must find inspiration from Musa and the late Robbie Malinga's song, which state that Mthande umntu wakho, the rest will fall into place
